From: Barrister Mohammed Abdul Aziz
MAZ Chamber's

Greetings,

I write in respect of Late Mr. Neda a national of your country, who died with his wife and two children in an auto crash on 31 October 2004, He was a contractor here until his death.

He was my client and I have been directed by his bank to search for his next of kin to claim the fund s belonging to the deceased which has been dormant without any claim either from his family or relatives. My failure to produce the next of kin would lead to the confiscation of the account; this is because the bank can not locate any of his relatives. The said amount is USD Eighty Three Million six hundred and twenty two thousand United States Dollars and Forty four Cent. (Plus interest).

I decided to contact you making you the next of kin to my late client, if you would like to work with me in confidence to have this fund transferred to your account as the located next of kin. As his personal lawyer I can not have this fund transferred to my account hence I contacted you.

This chamber desire absolute confidentiality and professionalism in the handling of this information as all documents will be forwarded to you for this claim.

Please do get back to me as soon as possible stating your position on this matter.

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TheGoddamnGM 10/01/29(Fri)13:02 No. 2752 *reply*

OPERATOR 10/01/30(Sat)02:09 No. 2767 File: cp2767_Obama Smile.jpg-(76.08KB, 213x270, Obama Smile.jpg) Sounds legit.

TheGoddamnGM 10/02/08(Mon)15:53 No. 2809 File: cp2809_niggernomics2.gif-(463.35KB, 450x185, niggernomics2.gif) >>2767

Good day My Friend,

I am Captain Simon Smith of the US Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace
keeping mission in Baghdad-Iraq. On the 7th day of May 2007, we were
alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in a suburb not
too far from Karbala here in Iraq . After Immediate intervention, we
captured three (3) of the Terrorists, twenty-six (26) were killed leaving
seven (7) injured.

In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for late Ayman
al-Zawahiri and took us to a cave in Karbala which served as their
camp.Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including
some boxes among which two contains nuclear weapons, one filled with hard
drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars
amounting to $24 Million after I and two of my junior intelligent officers counted

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The children of south Africa sat around their table that morning. Their body's full and their meat bulging. As a colossal bird sat in front of them.

Their father had returned home last night after making peaceful discussions with the guerrilla's leader. Odd considering he was demanding genocide of their entire tribe just a week ago.

In the middle East. Michale Rosenbaum and Ackmed Jiinana both went out for a drink. Taking in their customary jabs at one another in good fun and with good grace. For though they were both religious men they knew that God and Heaven was big enough for both of them.

In China. The first laws regarding proper medical care for all of it's citizens was instigated. And the government handed over sovereignty to the people of the nation.

The final act was set at the United Nations. When all the world's leaders and all the world's men agreed to set aside their differences and see the world set in the right direction. All nuclear weapons, all guns and rifles, all weapons that could harm anyone were destroyed. And the people rejoiced for there was nothing left to fear.

_____________________________

In America. Two magical creatures and a young boy watched TV.

"So lemme get this right. Nobody thought to try and rid world hunger, instigate world peace or remove all disease and suffering? Even with an unlimited supply of magic powers?" the boy asked.

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OPERATOR 10/01/29(Fri)22:05 No. 2765 File: cp2765_fantastic archery.gif-(1.97MB, 468x246, fantastic archery.gif) A person’s wedding is one of the most memorable, important, and high points in an individual’s life. At a time when a man and a woman want to make the ultimate commitment to spend the rest of their lives together, the desire to have personalized vows is certainly understandable. This is one of the most unique and special days in a person’s life, so if you want to speak your own personal wedding vows, than by all means, you should go for it! Writing your own vows can be intimidating. Wedding days always add pressure to even the most mundane of tasks, and certainly writing the vows you want to say to your significant other in front of all your friends and family is no small matter! Still, don’t let fear cause you to go along with some basic commonly used wedding vows if you really want that personalized touch. Just follow a few basic tips, and this will help you be on your way to writing the tips your future spouse deserves! 1. Write from the heart. Your wedding day represents the epitome of love between you and your future spouse. The two of you are together for a reason. Anything you write should be honest and from your heart, because that is what will really make your words special. 2. You don’t have to be Robert Frost or Emily Dickinson. If you are a poet, great. Keep in mind, though, that in the end words are just words. Your wedding vows do not have to be an amazing classic piece of literature—they need to be an honest display of your feelings for the other person. Don’t use long poetical words if all it does is put distance between your words and your feelings. 3. It’s okay to brainstorm. Before you set down to write everything, make a list of the things about your spouse that you absolutely love about your spouse, then make a list of the commitments you want to make. Figure out what parts of those lists you really want to include (keep in mind the vows are read in front of families and friends) and keep those. 4. Short and Sweet. It doesn’t take many words or a lot of time to make your heart known to everyone present. A lot can be said in a really short time, so don’t feel like you have to make the vows any longer than they naturally come ou Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

Alexander the Great !M6vgM6wd2g 10/02/05(Fri)20:32 No. 2803 >>2764 I lol'd

PJ!Vi7GYCtXEo 10/02/07(Sun)11:48 No. 2807 >>2764 >Destroy rifles and guns Man that sucks. I'd be pretty pissed. >All weapons that could harm anyone BANNED EVERYTHING. Yeah I'd be starting to kill people with Sporks, Lemons, peanuts, DVDs and other shit.

It’s been 2 weeks since this whole thing started.

It all started with a tanker accident. It was all over the news. Everyone thought it was just another oil spill. There were plenty of volunteers. Plenty of people wanting to help the poor defenseless animals. Plenty of victims. Within hours of the tanker accident, it started happening. The animals had gone crazy, they were scratching and biting the clean up volunteers. They said that it was an adverse effect to whatever was in that tanker.

Rescue workers were still trying to get the crew out of the ship. They could hear screaming inside. Screams to open the doors. But that’s when it all went to hell. As soon as they cut the door out.

There was 6 minutes of broadcast before it went silent. 6 minutes of screaming and agony. The ship crew attacked the rescue workers like rabid baboons. Breaking bones and tearing flesh. The people on the shore weren’t fairing any better. Those that had been attacked by animals were attacking everyone else. It was worse than any war zone report, it was sheer brutality, and yet the broadcast still went on for 6 minutes. 6 minutes and then blank faces. Nobody could explain what was happening. They tried to continue with regular news, the economy, the weather, a cute human interest story, but they couldn’t make us unsee what we saw.

I tried to continue with my regular existence but every time I switched on the news or walked by a news stand it was there. This big mystery. They had some explanations, some kind of infection, brain parasites, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t an infection we were afraid of, it was them.

4 days after the initial report, a state of emergency was raised. And yet we’d all seen this before. Every zombie movie ever. People didn’t know who to trust. People were stockpiling food and weapons. Some tried to flee but it seems every zombie movie was right. They didn’t make it. 3 days later they arrived in my town.

I expected moans, shuffling corpses, dismemberment, but that’s where the movies lied. They ran through the streets, screaming. I remember running to my front door as fast as I could, locking, barricading, doing anything to make sure it w

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Hi, I’m Seth. I’m writing this note, bottling it, and tossing it in the brook by my house. Writing helps me keep my sanity. Hopefully somebody who still reads will pick it up and come help me.

It started a month ago. I was down in my basement office on my computer watching old Mystery Science Theater 3000 reruns. The phone rang next to me, but I didn’t pay any attention to it. It was never for me; on the off occasion it was, it was usually my brother, and half the time we were on the phone my nephew would be trying to grab it and talk to me himself. Mom yelled down the stairs that the phone was for me. Yeah, I lived at home with my folks. Sue me. Anyway, I picked up.

“Hello?” I said, paying more attention to the antics of the robots on the screen.

“It’s begun.” The voice was little more than a whimper, a plea. I didn’t even recognize the voice.

“Excuse me?” I asked, wondering who on earth was calling.

“They’ve come, I don’t have much time, Jeff; you told me to call if what we did caused trouble.”

Now a little worried, I said, “I think you’ve got the wrong number, this is Seth, not Jeff.”

“DON’T GO OUTDOORS!” The person shrieked. Completely freaked out, I disconnected the call. Must’ve been some prank caller, but I wasn’t amused. Rattled, I put the matter behind me.

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do you remember me?

do you remember how we played together?

do you remeber the house you built me?

do you remember the car, you built aswell?

where did you go?

why did you leave me?

you left me so far far away, in that bucket

alone

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When I was 15 I had my very first sexual encounter. I was taking a stroll around town at around 4:40 PM when I noticed someone sitting
by the local elementary school, so I started to walk towards the figure when I noticed it was a young girl, and she looked to be in about fifth
grade. She was probably about 4'11'' tall, and had blonde hair and blue eyes. She had a slight tan, and was wearing a medium-length skirt
with a Hello Kitty t-shirt.

"Hey. What are you still doing out here?" I asked her.

"My parents can't pick me up until 6 o' clock." She responded.

"Perfect," I thought to my self.

"Wanna see something cool?" I inquired.

"Sure!" She answered.

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Feel the rage of the future commandos who will defend America. The rage of a thousand tortured childhoods, complete with mockery and jeers. A legion of tormented souls seeking to perfect the art of knot tying in an attempt at self improvement and skill acquisition, that they may tie society together, and keep it so. An army of dark figures doomed to a childhood ruled by the bully's wrath. An army that will rise and defend the very pathetic propagators of faggotry who tease them. An oppressed nation of troubled youth, plunging into the crucible to be melted down and cast into men; real men.

Defenders of the faith, God's army, Satan's dread, the preservers of all that is good. They march forward in endless columns, holding they're heads high amid the pokes and laughs of the cynics, the eunuchs of modernity and bastard grandchildren of the hippies.

The Boy Scouts of America.

They prove themselves with years of tiresome labor. The fulfillment of various requirements of manhood must be met. A library of merit badges with which to hone skill. The gaunt beings push on into an social abyss, in which even the authorities and neighbors they respect and serve release excrement upon their efforts.

With the acquisition of these badges, ranks, and various honors, the grunts continue to march onward toward the horizon; a wall of flesh and bone moving steadily despite the odds. These dreaded heroes of new-holding fast to the traditions of the old-continue their efforts, never stopping, never submitting, never to bow before the throne of the most low. Although they reside in the pathetic mud they shall not stoop to the level of their adversaries. They do not complain, they do not revolt: they forsake their own existence for the sake of all.

Their drudgery continues for all time, even after they have reached the apex, the peak of that blessed mountain. There is no city on that hill, there are no stores or shelters; but jagged rocks, stained with the blood of feet. Like Washington's army they brave that cold desolate peak and receive their wings: they are the Eagles...

The dreaded minions of the Most High, sons of righteousness, fortifiers of good, def

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OPERATOR 09/12/26(Sat)10:48 No. 2507 File: cp2507_Weasels_Ripped_My_Flesh.jpg-(123.46KB, 706x707, Weasels_Ripped_My_Flesh.jpg) Kinda looks like Weasels

HollowPointers 10/01/29(Fri)16:27 No. 2756 Wasn't there some scandal where Boy Scout troop leaders were sexually assaulting the boys? Wouldn't that mean all Boy Scout related dogma and indoctrination is tainted with sodomy?

Karl Antioch!!N0LGMvZGHm 10/02/05(Fri)05:43 No. 2797 >>2756 Maybe If you are some kinda LIBERAL

ITT: Your face when Nintendo announced Pokemon Generations for the Wii.

"Pokemon Generations will lead the players through a full-blown Pokemon epic. The main character starts off in an expanded version of Pallet town.

Generations will be rendered in full 3D and the Main Character will be able to jump, swim short distances, and ride a bike.

Generations will span over the first four Generations of Pokemon Games, including the main regions, islands, expanded areas with new caves and forests to explore. New areas will be available for download.

The player will choose from one of the three Generation I starters: Charmander, Bulbasaur, or Squirtle. Through various events you will have opportunities to capture every Starter Pokemon from Generation I to Generation IV.

Players may choose between a male or female protagonist. There will be some customizable features from the start such as hair style, hair color, skin color, eye color and body type. Your starting clothing will be pre-determined, but more outfits will be purchasable in larger cities.

Your new rivals will be self-proclaimed and change based on what region you're currently adventuring.

All 493 Pokemon will be available in one game, save for many legendary Pokemon and their locations, only accessible through downloadable SS and Train tickets.

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Karl Antioch!!N0LGMvZGHm 10/02/04(Thu)21:22 No. 2793 File: cp2793_Pokemonnurgle.jpg-(357.10KB, 800x800, Pokemonnurgle.jpg) >>2773 Don't mind me, just being a good poster.

Karl Antioch!!N0LGMvZGHm 10/02/04(Thu)21:23 No. 2794 File: cp2794_Pokemonslaanesh.jpg-(316.56KB, 800x800, Pokemonslaanesh.jpg) >>2773 Don't mind me, just being a good poster.

Karl Antioch!!N0LGMvZGHm 10/02/04(Thu)21:24 No. 2795 File: cp2795_Pokemontzeentch.jpg-(96.07KB, 800x800, Pokemontzeentch.jpg) >>2773 Don't mind me, just being a good poster.

ALRIGHT FAGGOTS, SIT YOUR SEMEN CRUSTED ASS THE FUCK DOWN AND LISTEN THE FUCK UP BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO DROP A KNOWLEDGE BOMB.

YOU SEE THIS? THIS IS THE FUCKING PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF ALL THE WORLDS HATE. THIS IS A FUCKING GLOCK, AND NIGGER YOU JUST CROSSED ITS BODY RIDDEN, BLOOD DRENCHED PATH.

YOU SEE THOSE FLAMES? THAT AIN'T HOLLYWOOD FLAMES. THAT IS FUCKING REAL DEAL FIRE CAUSED BY THE SHEER AMOUNT OF FRICTION THIS LITTLE CUNT MAKES CYCLING A ROUND. EACH ROUND IS CHAMBERED BY THE FORCE EVERY FUCKING SOUL KILLED FROM THE BUBONIC PLAGUE.

YOU WANT STOPPING POWER? THIS HAND HELD HOLOCAUST CAN STOP AND DROP YOU SO FUCKING FAST YOU AND EVERYONE YOU EVER LOVED WILL SIMPLY BE ERASED FROM HISTORY, TWICE. TO PULL THE TRIGGER IS TO UNCHAIN THE IRON COFFIN CONTAINING THE HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE.

STEEL AND WOOD? BITCH GET THAT SHIT OUT OF HERE. THIS PULSATING MAMMOTH COCK OF A PISTOL IS MADE FROM THE HARDENED BLOOD OF ANCIENT DRAGONS, FORGED BY VIKINGS AND MOLDED IN THE SKULLS OF VIRGINS. THIS SHIT IS STRONG ENOUGH TO DEFLECT HURRICANES INTO THE SUN AND SEND BACK A PLEASANT FUCKING BREEZE.

YOU CANT JUST FUCKING SHOOT THIS THING LIKE A PANSY ASS RAMBO, IT CHOOSES WHO CONTROLS IT. GOD HELP YOU IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TRY, IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT SHOOTING THIS THING YOUR RIGHT HAND BURSTS INTO FLAMES AND TAKES OUT A FUCKING CITY BLOCK. HELL, EVEN IF YOU ARE CHOSEN YOU MAY LOOSE YOUR HAND JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES.

YOU SEE THAT CLIP? YES FUCKASS THAT IS INDEED A FUCKING CLIP ON THE SIDE, THIS NOT ONLY USES A FUCKING MAGAZINE BUT A CLIP AS WELL. EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT LAYING WASTE TO THE HUMAN RACE YOU CAN STILL PUT MONEY OR SOME SHIT IN IT. GODDAMN THAT IS FLY.

AND ACCURACY? THIS CAN SHOOT THE ELECTRONS OFF OF HYDROGEN ATOMS WAY THE FUCK OUT IN THE CRAB NEBULA, EVEN IN YOUR OFF HAND. YOU THOUGHT YOUR SHINY BENCH RIFLE WAS ACCURATE? THIS GUN IS CHAMBERED IN BENCH RIFLES.

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Kain!lOLGVNDpLk 10/02/03(Wed)15:36 No. 2782 >>2781 Waistband carry without a holster, I imagine. Never seen one that far forward, though.

Your God Stalin 10/02/03(Wed)16:56 No. 2786 >>2782 >Never seen one that far forward So you've seen one with flames painted on it?

R. Lee Ermey 10/02/04(Thu)19:12 No. 2791 File: cp2791_R_Lee_Ermey[1].jpg-(64.95KB, 616x780, R_Lee_Ermey[1].jpg) ALRIGHT YOU MAGGOTS. AS OF THIS POST, EVERY TIME YOU READ OP YOU WILL READ IT IN MY VOICE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Richard Machowicz loaded a new clip of explosive rounds into his custom Desert Eagle. It was a ballistically enhanced model, with a powerful scope and extra strength silencer. He needed both the stopping power and silence to infiltrate. A year ago this former SEAL SNIPER was called back to service in the top secret Epsilon Force to become the greatest operator known to man. This was his first mission - to infiltrate a right-wing domestic group and take no prisoners.

Machowicz snuck around the corner and took out the guards with the Eagle. Instant decapitation. With a Tae Kwon Do kick he learned as a SEAL, he kicked down the door, rolled in and ducked behind a wooden table. Two gunmen opened fire with AR-15s, but alas their stopping power was not enough to penetrate the thick wood. Mack was struck twice but the tiny bullets had little effect, being only 5.52. Machowicz pulled out his Barrett REC7 and double-cocked the receiver. This weapon had the stopping power he needed. He fired through the table and the rounds hit the gunmen, knocking them off their feet. Richard dove around the next corner and was met by a massive guard. He was so big Richard would need maximum stopping power to take him down. He pulled out his Colt Anaconda and did a Mozambique drill, two shots to the head and one to the chest to finish him off. With the sheer power of the magnum, neither region remained when the gunsmoke cleared.